Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Nirvana on the Way to Almost-Thanksgiving Work

I'm having lunch with my mother today. She is really such a delight. I hope that she always retains the mischievous and good-hearted energy she has now. I'm experimenting with confiding in her more; it doesn't seem to be backfiring quite yet. We'll see how that goes.

Over 40,000 words on my novel! And only six days to go. Yikes. But 10k in six days only requires me to write the standard nanowrimo minimum per day - 1667. I'm definitely going to do more than that, so I should come out ahead! Oh joy, oh delight.

I'm going to Tim's parents for a short (really!) time this Thursday. I've never been to a guy's parents for this holiday before. In fact, most of my relationships over the last 10 years of dating have faded out by fall, and I had the holiday season to think about what I'd done. Ha. Then it's off to Willis to celebrate with my aunt and cousins, whose darling company I always enjoy.

This cheese-filled post was brought to you by Sarah having too much energy to sit still and code her invoices.

Very truly yours,

Friday, November 21, 2008

Emotional Black-out!

Sometimes I feel like I'm just miserable at life, but each time I try to put my finger on what it is I'm doing wrong, I can't tell.

While talking to a classmate recently, I verbally worked out that I may be too emotionally disconnected. There are advantages to this, obviously; many people try endlessly to distance themselves emotionally from a situation so that they can take a rational, objective look at their options. But could it hurt to do this too much? As the beloved(?) Sarah Palin would say, "Yoo betcha!" (Unnecessary.)

Maybe it's just that I spent so much time when I was younger exploring my emotions and following my feelings and listening to my heart. I saw where that got me. Nowhere. Fast. And a lot of times, in a whole lot of trouble, and lonely to boot. Four years of being single seems to have made me a very anemotional being, which saddens me in many ways.

I end up examining relationships (romantic and friend) in a way that seems a little cold and inhuman on reflection. It's almost as if I need a reminder every once in a while that my life doesn't need to be lived as though I'm some sort of diplomatic political figure. Why do my conversations that should be emotional end up sounding like a Christmas card from a lawyer to an especially wealthy client?

Frequently used inappropriate phrases:
"most beneficial"
"more permanant solution"
"an unfeasible move"
"extremely illogical"
"something more specific"
"respect your position"
And the darkest of all non-emotional lines that I've said in an emotional setting in the last few years: "I'm hoping we can fulfill mutually enjoyable roles in each others' lives." ??? Am I writing a legal contract or what? What is wrong with me??

To answer myself with one of my own recent quotes: "Passion is an amazing thing... sometimes I feel my heart is numb to it."


Here's a news flash, guys. We're all human. Every single person I know is a human. A friend and I confessed our humanity to each other the other day, and it was amazing.

Just to let you know.

And that means you're human, too.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Fall Vacation

It's still technically fall, right? I'd like to go on a vacation. Take me with you if you're going somewhere. Or else. I'll get the witch that lives in my apartment building to cast a spell on you (read: call the police while you're just hanging out playing pictionary by the pool).

Next semester, there are a few things I'd like to accomplish. First, I'd like to volunteer as an ESOL tutor, either with HCC or the Heights Library. Second, I'd like to organize an Esperanto Society ("club" sounds so trite) in my area. Third, I'd like to stop being co-dependent again. That's up to you to decide what that means, but I think I just want it to happen.

Lastly, I'd like to start a very casual, very not-intense street fashion blog for Houston. I'm going to get a camera for Xmas (don't tell Mommy & Santa I know!) and it just sounds like SO MUCH FUN. So we'll see. I have yet to decide whether I will use this blog or get another gmail to use for it. We'll see!

As for school, I have two words for you: YUCK, and KILL.

Very truly yours,